Sometimes big things come in small packages

Yesterday I shot an episode of Z Rock for the Independent Film Channel. A show that I had never heard of until yesterday, so when I walked on to the set I really didn't know what to expect. We shot at a restaurant/bar downtown called BLVD on Bowery and Spring and as I walked through the doors, I was greeted by this group:




Thats right, Mini Kiss. An all little person tribute band.

Thats when I realized that all my dreams were coming true.

They were a really great group and a blast to work with. They're actually a very polished team of performers. Mini Gene Simmons had his stage tricks down to a science. Not only did he light his hand on fire during a song, but he also managed to produce a large amount of fake blood in his mouth so that when he did his signature tongue move the snake-like pointed tip dripped and spattered.

Later in the day I was thrilled to learn that there is also a Mini Britney Spears.



Not only that, but at hirelittlepeople.com you can do just that for events. Here's what their website advertises:

Are you having a private party or special event and are interested in hiring a Little Person to attend the event, then you have come to the right place; our Little People are here for your entertainment. Hire Little People for private events such as:

- Birthday Parties
- Holiday Parties
- Corporate Events
- Weddings
- Fraternity / Sorority Parties
- Fundraisers
- Charity Events

After I read this, I sat and wondered how a little person could be deemed a necessity for the events the website had listed. In case you were feeling curious yourself, I've come up with a list of possibilities:

-Birthday Parties: Thats an easy one, little person to jump out of the cake.
- Holiday Parties: Santa's elf, Cupid, Groundhog day reenactment, Leprechaun, Send a mini version of yourself to work for April Fools, New Year's Baby...
-Corporate Events: Hire a mini tribute band to keep people's spirits up in between lecture sessions
- Weddings: Ring bearers
- Fraternity/Sorority Parties: This one just escapes me
- Fundraisers: Make a huge thermometer to show how much the event has raised and instead of a red line, make it a little person in a red outfit with a long cape.
-Charity Events: Have them walking around asking for donations.

I sure learned a lot today. This blog was brought to you by the letter Z and the number 7.


By the way: My birthday is quickly approaching, so hire early and there isn't a little person available then I would like this band to play at my party:

Sometimes its the 1930s

Today I shot a film for Peter McGough, an artist who is dedicated to living his life as if it were the 1930's. I spent the morning getting 1930-ed, having my hair cut and suiting up (thanks to the people at Ralph Lauren). Then mostly I sat around all day in a beautiful apartment/museum and did a shot or two in between long setups. Flashy vintage wallpaper, old lighting fixtures. Everything down to the products in the bathroom are period. And no TV or computer.

It's a funny thing making your life your art. I mean, how many people have heard of this man? He might be more inclined to tell you that he's quite famous, but I have a sinking suspicion that he might just be some guy who doesn't the internet and brushes his teeth with a powder that probably contains sugar.

I was talking to my friend Molly, who was in town on a visit, about Tehching Hsieh, the Korean performance artist who put himself through 5 grueling, year-long performance pieces in the 70s. For one year, every hour on the hour he punched a time card in his loft. One year he spent tied to another artist with an 8 foot rope and they never touched each other. He spent an entire year living outside. Then to me the most astonishing was the year he spent locked in a cage in his loft doing nothing. No TV, radio, books, or even people. Someone came to deliver food and he had a picture taken everyday. Molly, and I hope she won't mind me sharing he opinions, thinks of this as a waste of time. That I can agree with in a sense. However, how can you now be amazed by the commitment and discipline of this man? I realize the life is art genre is pretty tired, but Hsieh managed to make his concepts so simple and yet radically difficult that you can't help at least want to talk about them. And truly that's kind of the whole idea, to make people think and talk.

After we shot all my close ups, they asked me to stick around to make sure they didn't need any pick ups, seeing as we were just filming for one day. Two actors shooting after me were asked to chain smoke old unfiltered cigarettes for about 3 hours for a scene. Neither of them were smokers, but both quickly agreed to smoke for the camera. They eventually got all the shots they wanted between breaks to let the actors go to the bathroom and throw up. The make-up guy had his work cut out for him, trying to blot the sweat literally dripping from both men and simultaneously put a little color back in their cheeks.

What is the film about? Hm. Not really sure. I don't think that Peter even really knows. I think he was just creating an environment where he could let things happen. And they did. Cut and print.

Sometimes I get addicted to strange things

Like this video. I think I've watched it 20 times.

Sometimes I embarass myself

Today I was on my way home from a voice lesson and I think I made half of New York think I'm a sexual predator. Let me explain:

I was riding the 1 train downtown and got off at 42nd street. While I was traveling I was reading Chelsea Handler's "Are you there Vodka? It's me Chelsea." If you've read anything by Ms Handler, you know that she can be terribly inappropriate and hysterical. A person like me who has a hard time controlling their laughter can really make a spectacle of themselves on a public train while reading her books. Here's a passage that is not necessarily going to split your sides, but is a blog friendly cutting about her brief stay in prison for using a fake ID:

"When I got to the booth, there were about fifteen women in line ahead of me waiting to speak with the two women behind the large glass partition. It struck me that this was exactly like the DMV, except we were all wearing the same jumpsuits. There was a large Mexican woman in front of me with a shaved head and tattoos covering both of her arms. She turned around to look at me and didn't drop her stare for thirty seconds. I had already learned through trial and error that the conventional "hello" or "word up" didn't work here, so to break the awkward silence I had to try something new. "I like your head." She said something in Spanish and spit on my feet. Then she looked at me again for an uncomfortably long time.I gave her a closed-mouth smile to let her know I was totally cool with her spitting on me, until she turned back around. She had two large knots above the roll of fat that connected her head to her shoulders, and her back was the size of a suitcase. This was the type of woman you'd want on your side if you were up against a crocodile."

So I got off the train already in tears from trying to swallow back my laughter and as I stepped on to the platform, a new public announcement came over the speaker that I'd never heard before. "A message from the New York Transit Authority: Sexual harassment in the subway is an offense. Just because a train is crowded doesn't mean an inappropriate touch won't go unnoticed." I can only assume that my general good mood combined with the book I'd been reading was what caused the loud gaffaw to leave my mouth. I looked around the platform seeking the eyes of other friendly New Yorkers having a good laugh about inappropriate subway touching, but was only met by cold disapproving stares. Clearly ever woman around me thought I was a subway molester just riding around at rush hour to get my kicks as we stand packed into the car like pickles. And perhaps they thought that my loud laugh was an evil cackle proclaiming my defiance to the system. "Mwah ha ha! An announcement can't stop me! For I am Subway Pervert Man and my hand will proudly graze another thigh!"

I blinked to make sure I wasn't on the Upper East Side then promptly turned red and quickly walked to another train.

Sometimes I wish....

Sometimes I wish the internet hadn't been invented. I don't want everyone to have access to my personal information, photos of me, blogs of my thoughts, lists of my friends. And my "status"? Who decided that people have to have a "status" now? Not only that, but what does having a clever "status" do for you? Does a clever "status" provide shelter? Does it help you find berries and kill squirrels for meat?

I know what you're thinking ("thats a real good story Grandpa") but maybe I'm just old fashioned. I love getting mail. Thats why I'm so happy that my best friend Seth gave me 12 envelopes addressed to him for Christmas. It was one of the best gifts ever.

Sometimes I'm glad people still use stop animation

I give up

I try and try to be a good blogger. But if it were a religion, I would be going to hell.

So...here's a life update since my last blog:

1. My "first show" in the city (which I don't consider my first job because I don't want to and because technically it was a reading.) Called White Widow at the Times Square Arts Center. Written by a man who was no less than 974 years old. I played an Italian Thug (because clearly my blond hair, blue eyes and pink cheeks scream Italian and my gentle, people pleasing Mormon upbringing says Thug.) Character name: Malacarne (Bad Meat). Biggest Success: Didn't drop out of the show and met some amazing people. Biggest Challenge: Its a toss up. Either having to believably cut out a man's tongue during the first scene or die with dignity when he stabs me to death just before the first act curtain. Experience Rating Meter: 4/10. Average Day: Still getting up at 6 a.m. to get in line for auditions and performing in the evening. Highlight: Either A) When the director told one of the men that he would be playing a wailing woman during a scene and we all unfortunately assumed it was a joke or B) all the crazy things that people did on stage every night to keep themselves entertained. For the sake of their careers, I won't name anything specific.

2. Sweeney Todd and My Fair lady at Sacramento Music Circus. Biggest Success: Made great friends. Biggest Challenge: Learning the score of Sweeney Todd in a week. Experience Rating Meter: 8/10. Average Day: During rehearsal, working my butt off. During performances, lounging by the pool and performing across the street from my hotel at night. Not a bad life. Highlight: Getting goosebumps every night during the opening of Sweeney Todd when Marc Jacoby came out of the oven and started singing.

2. Road Show at the Public. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. So much to take in that all I could do was sit back and enjoy it. First day I met Stephen Sondheim was at a benefit where I sang one of my songs from the show. It was the day before we started rehearsals. No pressure. Character name: Hollis. Biggest Success: Not getting overwhelmed. Biggest Challenge: Not getting overwhelmed. Experience Rating Meter: 9.5/10. Average Day: During rehearsal: Spend a day playing with one of the most creative directors of today with some of the most creative performers. During performance: Drink water like crazy all morning to make sure I'm hydrated, perform show at night, meet people, go home. Highlight: Seeing my name in Variety, getting good mentions and a good review in the Village Voice, being chosen Broadway.com Fresh Face for November, articles in the SLC Trib and Des news, performing for and meeting some of my heroes: Nathan Lane, Julie Andrews, Mandi Patinkin, Elaine Stritch, and the delightful Marian Seldes to name a few, singing with two great agencies, announcement that we're recording a cast album...

3. Trip to Nicaragua and Costa Rica. Jeff basically took January off and after a visit home for some family and snow boarding we were off to Central America for two and a half weeks of backpacking. We didn't make many plans, we just knew where we needed to get to for our flight home. Biggest Success: We didn't get arrested or stuck anywhere for too long. Biggest Challenge: Hiking through the mud and rain through primary jungle to the top of an inactive volcano to swim in its crater lake. Not being sad about the fact that my ipod and camera were stolen and we lost all photos of the trip. Experience Rating Meter: 9.9/10. Average Day: Wake up. Either lay on the beach, go hiking, rent a bike or bus to a new location. Highlight: Hiking one of the ten most active volcanoes in the world to watch it spew clouds of gas, building a huge sandcastle in Puerto Viejo on the Caribbean Coast, taking a tour of a chocolate farm, walking through the ruins of the cathedrals of Granada, Jeff getting in an argument with some dangerous monkeys while kayaking (they won by throwing poo).

So thats the run down. And now we're back, Jeff at work, me auditioning. I love my new agents and they have been getting me appointments for lots of work, hopefully one of them will pan out.